Monday, April 12, 2010

5 Ways To Keep Your Language Clean On The Golf Course

Some of you may be offended but Tiger's potty mouth at Augusta is the least of my worries, quite honestly. I must confess that I have some seriously bad language on the course and when I participate in other sports. It's pretty easy for me to let out an "oh sh*t" (at least mentally, if I'm under water) when I'm about to get crushed in the surf. It's with equal ease that I curse myself by name much like Tiger has in the video above.

I do, however try very diligently to sound like a grownup that has a bit more self control. I've got a few euphemisms that I let fly out that generally makes those around me laugh.

1. What the French, toast? I first heard this one on that silly Orbit gum commercial.

2. Get the front door! This is an oldie but goody and I've heard many use it.

3. Holy potatoes! I believe this is an Apryl original but could have been dug up from somewhere in my subconscious from an old Batman episode. I did hear somewhere that Adam West lives in Idaho...

4. Mother father cocker spaniel! I got this from a commercial that used to run on the Howard Stern show when it first came to Los Angeles. There was some character that rattled off an entire curse-free tirade a lot like the aforementioned Orbit commerical.

5. Shazbot! or Frack!
Okay, that makes a total of six but these both originated from old television shows so I figured they could be on the same line. I'll bet at least one of you out there know where these came from. Come on, guess...

P.S. Congrats on the Masters win Phil! Hooray Lefty!


Mike said...

I remember (when I was much younger) a bunch of us using the words "blank" and "blankity-blank" during a game where tempers were running high. The beauty of it is that they flow easily off the tongue and can be uttered at high volume with very little difficulty... but after a string of "blankity-blank, blank, blankity-blankity-blank, blank, blank, BLANK!" everybody around you is laughing so hard that you end up laughing too. It gets rid of the anger and no children are injured during the course of making this movie.

On a personal note, I've found that any word with a "j" or "k" in it sounds extremely vindictive and is a great vehicle for berating yourself. ;-)

Anonymous said...

HAHA - I'll have to try some of those the next time I slice into the woods (which is pretty much every hole)!

Apryl DeLancey said...

@Mike - yes, I forgot the old stand-by of "blank" - good one!

@Greg - me too, this is why I have so many!

Oh, and I neglected to mention another fave - "cheese and rice"

Heather said...

I love "Holy Potatoes!" and "Mother father cocker spaniel."Definitely adding those.

I use, "Oh Sugar!" and "Fudgesicles."

I use much more colorful words too, but I'm trying to be better. I'm worried I may slip in front of the kids one day.

Heather said...

Also, I'm trying to go with the Ian Poulter sarcasm. Fan one into the trees and scream, "Oh that was just LOVELY!" (must to do in a British accent).

Apryl DeLancey said...

Ha! I have used "fudgesicles" in the past, I'll have to reintroduce that one. I am most definitely going to work in the Poulter one as well - accent and all!